The Taming of the Shrewd Seto Kaiba
by shizzical
Summary: Seto is forced (by Mokuba) to hang out with Yugi and his friends...
1. The 'Big Day'

Disclaimer: *sounds suspiciously like Mokuba* ilukaiba owns lotsa stuff but she doesn't own me! Muhahaha  
  
Seto: MOKUBA!!!!  
  
Mokuba... er... Disclaimer...: Uh... what?... *puts on innocent face*  
  
Seto: Uhh.. add that she doesn't own me either...  
  
Ilukaiba: What??? Noooo the horror!!!!...  
  
Seto: Riiiiight.... Well... ilukaiba does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! Thank goodness...  
  
The Taming of the Shrewd... Seto Kaiba  
  
Mokuba: "Wake up big brother! Or you're gonna be late for the Big Day!!"  
  
Seto Kaiba opened his eyes and found himself staring at the massive ball of hair that dared to wake him from his well-deserved rest. He smiled at his little brother, Mokuba, who jumped up and down on the bed with excitement. Seto was still very tired. He had come home late from his office the previous night, after firing the treacherous business executives who had betrayed him.  
  
Seto: "Good morning, kid... what are you so excited about?"   
  
Mokuba: "Oh Seto! Don't you remember?..."  
  
Seto: "Uhhh..."  
  
Mokuba: "The promise?..."  
  
Seto: "The p... promise..." *thinking* 'I wonder what I did this time to make Mokuba so sickeningly happy...'  
  
Mokuba: Oh big brother.... You promised that you'd come over Yugi's house with me today and hang out with the 'gang'!  
  
Seto: *groans* 'Oh great... I get to hang out with that vertically-challenged heart-of-the-cards freak, the friendship girl, that freaky homicidal albino, that idiot who tries to imitate me by wearing his cheap coat, and worst of all... that sniveling puppy-dog! I haven't spoken to them since the virtual-reality game incident and I wasn't planning to any time soon...' "Ummm... Mokuba... when did I make this promise?"  
  
Mokuba: "During the helicopter ride back from the Duelist Kingdom!"  
  
Seto: '@$()!$&... I was so preoccupied in flying the 'copter that I would have said yes to anything...'  
  
Mokuba: "Earth to Seto!!!! We don't want to be late... *puts on unbearably cute face*  
  
Seto: 'Argghhh... the face... the incredibly adorable face!!!' "Fine... I'll go..."  
  
****************  
Meanwhile... at the Game Shop...  
  
Yugi: "But guys!!!!... I promised Mokuba!"  
  
Joey: "Nah... Yug... we've got betta things ta do..."  
  
Tristan: "Yah... like daydreaming about Mai's..."  
  
Joey: "Hey! Watch it!!! I do NOT like Mai or her..."  
  
Tristan: "Yeah... and I'm Seto Kaiba..."  
  
Joey: *growls*  
  
Tristan: "Ya know... maybe Kaiba was right about the dog thing..."  
  
Joey: *growls louder*  
  
Yugi, Ryou, and Tea: *sweatdrop*  
  
Tristan: "Woof-woof to you too... dog boy..."  
  
Joey: *is about to beat the @*$)_$ out of Tristan*  
  
Little bell thing that is hanging on door to Game Shop: *rings*  
  
The group spun around and saw an overly excited Mokuba followed by a glum Seto Kaiba... 


	2. How to get rid of claustrophobia for dum...

Disclaimer: ilukaiba does not own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Mokuba: No Seto!!! That's not how you do a disclaimer!!!  
  
Seto: Yeah... well... I'd like to see you try...  
  
Mokuba: I already have... but if you insist...  
  
Disclaimer # 2 (a.k.a. Mokuba): ilukaiba doesn't own me or Seto or Yugi or Yami or Joey or Tristan or Tea or Ryou or Bakura or Mai...  
  
Seto: *sweatdrop*  
  
Mokuba: ...or Malik or Pegasus or Duke or Serenity or Rebecca or Rex or Weevil or...  
  
Seto: This may take a while...  
  
Ilukaiba: Will you marry me, Seto?  
  
Seto: Uhh... noo...  
**************  
Seto: *enters Game Shop* "Well, well, well... if it isn't my pathetic canine friend... What a surprise... How many times did Yugi have to jump on you before you actually woke up?"  
  
Joey: *growls*  
  
Seto: "Ha! There's no point in arguing that you are a human when you even sound like a mutt!"  
  
Tristan: "What a coincidence! I was just saying the same thing!"  
  
Joey: "Why you TRAITOR! Whose side are you on anyway?!?! You're jus' like... like... like Benedict Franklin!  
  
Everyone (except Kaiba who is having a laugh-attack): *sweatdrop*  
  
Yugi: "Uhh... Joey..."  
  
Tristan: "Hate to break it to ya pal..."  
  
Ryou: "But..."  
  
Tea: "It's Benedict Arnold you IDIOT!!!!!"  
  
Seto: "Joey, I was just going to ask you how you're doing in history class, but I think I just found out for myself..."  
  
Mokuba and Yugi: "Stop fighting!"  
  
Yugi: "Why don't you two put aside your differences and act like civilized adults?"  
  
Seto: "I am civilized!" *sticks out tongue*  
  
Joey: "Yeah... I am civilized... what ever that means..."  
  
Ryou: "Hey I have an idea! Why don't we go somewhere else!"  
  
Yugi: "Are you saying that my grandpa's shop isn't good enough for you?!?!"  
  
Ryou: *sweatdrop* "Well... it is rather small... it gets rather crowded with seven people... and it is a well known scientific fact that claustrophobia makes people bad-tempered..."  
  
Seto: "Did you read about that in Time Magazine?!" (A.N. I don't own Time Magazine)  
  
Ryou: "Yeah!!... In the article called 'How phobia's affect the impact of stress in adolescent minds' right?"  
  
Seto: "Yeah... that was a great issue right!"  
  
Ryou: "Definitely... I especially enjoyed the article about the Horateuos-boisei fossil they found in Canada..."  
  
Seto: "Yes... it's amazing how they dug up the thousand pound cranium in less than two hours..."   
  
Everyone else: *sweatdrop*  
  
Ryou: "Oh whoops... we got a little off topic there..."  
  
Tea: "Tell me about it..."  
  
Ryou: "But we should at least go to a larger area..."  
  
Tea: "Yeah! We could go to the mall!!!  
  
Ryou: "That's not what I meant..."  
  
Tea: *pretends not to hear* "Okay! Let's go!!" *death glare*  
  
Everyone else: *gulp* Okay...  
  
And off to the Domino City Mall they went... 


	3. Coordination is the key to life so natur...

Disclaimer *cough* Mokuba *cough*: and Mako and Kemo and Croquet and Esper Roba and Rishid and...  
  
Seto: Okay Mokuba... I get your point...  
  
Mokuba: ^_^  
  
Seto: 0_o Well... anyway ilukaiba doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! (or me)...  
  
Ilukaiba: *sobs* Is that the gratitude I get after all I've done for you?  
*************  
The walk to the mall was long and boring. Why was it boring? Because of Tea droning on about friends lending money to other friends who have less money. Tea had only brought thirty dollars (which isn't much) with her, so this feeble attempt at a conversation was being directed at Kaiba. Unfortunately (for Tea), no one was listening...  
  
Seto (talking to Ryou): "Is she always this... demanding?"  
  
Ryou: "In a manner of speaking... yes..."  
  
Mokuba was feeling very bored. For one, he was being tortured by Tea's friendship speech. Also, he wasn't used to walking so much (where's the limo service when you need it?). Lastly, he had a very uncomfortable wedgie...  
  
THUD!!!  
  
Joey: *walks into pole* "#%)@&*%$*@%)!!!!"  
  
Tea: *temporarily forgets about friendship speech...*  
  
Everyone: *stares at Joey*  
  
Mokuba: *takes the opportunity to pick his wedgie...* (and that concludes this week's episode of "Inside the Dirty Mind of a Ten Year Old"...)  
  
Yugi: "Hey Ryou... why don't we bring out our Yamis?"  
  
Ryou: "Good idea Yugi!"  
  
Two figures suddenly appear next to Yugi and Ryou. One of them has tri-colored hair that is very similar to Yugi's. In fact, he is basically a taller version of Yugi. This was (obviously) Yami. The second was everyone's favorite homicidal maniac, Bakura. He looked like Ryou, except for a suspiciously evil look on his face.  
  
Yami: "Hey everyone! ...What's up?" *sees Kaiba and gasps* "You..."  
  
Seto: "You..." *death glare*  
  
Yami: *death glare*  
  
Seto: *death glare*  
  
Yami: *death glare*  
  
Seto *death glare*  
  
Everyone: *sweatdrop*  
  
Yami: "Why is he here aibou?"  
  
Yugi: "Mokuba made him promise to hang out with us for a day!"  
  
Yami: "Oh..." *growls*  
  
Seto: *growls*  
  
Joey: *burps*  
  
Bakura, on the other hand, was having his own problems... Mokuba was smiling at him in a childishly evil way. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out when Mokuba is scheming.  
  
Meanwhile, Yami and Seto continue to argue frequently...  
  
Seto: "Do you like Yugi or something, because you're so possessive of him..."  
  
Yami: "No!!!! He's my aibou!!!"  
  
Seto: "Yeah, sure..."  
  
Yami: "I DO NOT LIKE YUGI!!!!"  
  
Seto: "You keep telling yourself that..."  
  
THUD!!!  
  
Joey: *bumps into something... but what?...* 


	4. A Tangled Mess

Ilukaiba: For the trillionth time... I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! *sobs uncontrollably*  
  
Seto: What a disturbed female...  
  
Mokuba: ME WANT SUGAR!!!!! Muhahaha  
**************  
... Mai Valentine... Joey bumped into Mai Valentine. Mai had fallen backwards with Joey, and the two were sprawled across the sidewalk in a very disturbing position. People passed by muttering something about "kids these days".  
  
Mai (screaming at Joey's foot-they are in a very awkward position): "Aarrrrgggghhh! Get off of me NOW Joseph Wheeler!"  
  
Joey (speaking to her... well... you know...): "Hang on... lemme figure out how..."  
  
Seto: *covers Mokuba's innocent eyes... he wasn't ready for this... yet...*  
  
Joey: *struggles to detach himself from Mai*  
  
Tristan, Ryou, and Yami attempted to pull the two apart. Bakura, who was feeling bored, pushed Yami into the still-tangled Joey...  
  
Yami: *is now tangled with Joey and Mai*  
  
Bakura and Seto (who has completely forgotten about covering Mokuba's eyes): *laugh hysterically*  
  
The now-exposed-to-such-profanity Mokuba: *stares at the trio with wide eyes*  
  
Yugi (whose innocence is being lost by the minute): *covers eyes*  
  
Tristan: *watches as Joey's hand comes ever so close to a certain part of Mai*  
  
Ryou: *gives inefficient death glare to his yami*  
  
Tea: *starts giving friendship speech to Bakura about how friends shouldn't push other friends*  
  
Bakura: *isn't listening*  
  
Overly-innocent Yugi: "I can't take this anymore!!!!" *runs blindly (he has his eyes closed) towards the sound of Mai's screams, Joey's grunts, and Yami's yells and grabs wildly in an effort to separate them*  
  
Seto and Bakura: *stop laughing... this was getting interesting...*  
  
Yugi: *accidentally pokes Joey in the belly*   
  
Joey (who is very ticklish): *jumps up giggling*  
  
Mai and Yami: *get up, now that they are separated*  
  
Yugi: "Is it safe now?"  
  
Ryou: "Yeah..."  
  
Yugi: *opens eyes*  
  
Everyone: *sweatdrop* ^_^;;  
  
Mai (while brushing hair and dusting off skirt): "So are you guys going shopping?"  
  
Seto (being sarcastic): "No, we're going shopping..."  
  
Mai: "Oh! I thought you were going shopping..."  
  
Seto: *sweatdrop*  
  
Tea: "Do you want to come Mai?"  
  
Mai: "I thought you'd never ask..."  
  
So together, the group walked towards the mall. 


	5. So many stores, so little money, and so ...

Disclaimer: Ilukaiba does not own...  
  
Ilukaiba: Hey disclaimer-dude... would you like some grape juice?  
  
Disclaimer: Sure!  
  
20 glasses of grape juice later...  
  
Disclaimer: Ilukaiba *hiccup* does not own *hiccup* Yu-Gi- *hiccup* Oh! ...But *hiccup* she does own *hiccup* this really *hiccup* great grape *hiccup* juice....  
  
Ilukaiba: Anywayz... thanks to all of my great reviewers... you guys are the best! Oh and fishkisser... believe me.... Your opinion counts a lot!   
**************  
Finally, the group reached at the mall... or should I say the tired and impatient group of adolescents arrived at the vast Domino City Shopping Plaza (a.k.a. mall).  
  
Yami and Bakura looked at their surroundings with interest... this was their first time going to a mall before. The mall was fascinating. It had so many stores! The two yamis were eager to get started. There were Duel Monsters stores and clothing stores and bookstores and...  
  
Yami and Bakura: "We're going shopping by ourselves, okay guys?"  
  
They deeper into the crowded mall with six worried teenagers and one just-as-worried child watching after them.  
  
Tea: "Uh Yugi... Ryou... do your yamis understand the concept of shopping?..."  
  
Yugi and Ryou: "Not really... no..."  
*************  
  
Yami: "Where should we go first?"  
  
Bakura: "How about... about *points to a Duel Monsters store* THERE!"  
  
Now you must remember that these are two very old Egyptian spirits we are dealing with. They are unfamiliar with modern customs. On that note, we will continue...  
  
Bakura: "Look... that card looks powerful!"  
  
Yami: "Are you joking... this card kicks major duelist butt!"  
  
Bakura: "Pharaoh... you need to go to a psychiatrist... that card can be easily wiped out by this baby!"  
  
Yami: "Yeah... but only if you use it with this card!"  
  
Bakura: "You've got a point..."  
  
Yami: "This card would go well with my Dark Magician!"  
  
After a few short minutes, the two had enough new cards to construct two brand new decks. Each card was, on average, worth well over fifty dollars. So how will they afford it? It's simple... they don't. In case you've forgotten, they aren't familiar to modern shopping. Yami, being a once-powerful pharaoh, always got whatever he wanted. Bakura, the tomb robber, stole whatever he needed. So they ran out of the store without paying, not noticing the alarm setting off after they left...  
  
Yami: "This is just like old times!"  
  
Bakura: "Yeah, the mortals aren't as foolish as I thought!"  
************  
Meanwhile, the others were having a dilemma. Joey and Tristan had run to the food court. This left Yugi, Ryou, Tea, Mai, Mokuba, and the bored CEO of Kaiba Corporation. Yugi, Ryou, and Seto wanted to visit the Duel Monsters shop. Tea insisted that the guys come clothes shopping with her and Mai (since she needed the money). Mokuba wanted to see the toy store.  
  
Seto: "Here Tea! Take this @!$*&)%* money and get outta my sight!" *hands Tea one-hundred dollars* "Mokuba! Come with us... we'll go to the toy store after!"  
  
With that, the group split up and went on their own merry adventures... 


	6. BUSTED!

Seto: I can't believe you got the disclaimer you hired drunk!  
  
Ilukaiba: ... ^_^;;  
  
Seto: Yeah... whatever... Ilukaiba doesn't...  
  
Ilukaiba: *screams, cries, bangs head on wall*  
  
Seto: Are you in pain?  
  
Ilukaiba: *nods*  
  
Seto: Oh yeah... you came back from the orthodontist...  
  
Ilukaiba: *nods*  
  
Seto: Ya know what?  
  
Ilukaiba: *looks up and prepares to hear Seto's love confession...*  
  
Seto: I don't give a @(&)$()$_$@!!  
  
Ilukaiba: *runs away sobbing*  
  
Seto: Well, anyway, she doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Oh joy!...  
*************  
What a coincidence... Yugi, Ryou, Seto, and Mokuba went to the same Duel Monsters store that Yami and Bakura had just left a short while ago.  
  
Security guard: *arrests Yugi and Ryou*  
  
Ryou: "But officer... we didn't steal anything!"  
  
S.G.: "Yeah right..."  
  
Yugi: "But we didn't!!!"  
  
Seto: "Maybe the Bozo brothers, Yami and Bakura, did! After all, they do look like you..." (A.N. Oh Seto... so smart as usual...)  
  
Yugi: "You're right! I bet they did! We'll be right here... you two go find Yami and Bakura!"  
  
Mokuba: "Right-o!"  
  
Seto: *sweatdrop* 'Where does he learn these phrases?...'  
  
Ryou: "But you don't understand, officer! This is Yugi Moto, King Of Games, and this is Seto Kaiba, CEO of Kaiba Corporation!"  
  
S.G.: "Yeah... and I'm the Queen of England..."  
  
Ryou: "No way!!!! I used to live there! I always knew the Queen looked a little too manly..."  
  
Seto and Mokuba left to find the "Bozo brothers"... now where would two crazy yamis hide?...  
***************  
Tea and Mai were having a blast. They had five large shopping bags each. But there was a slight problem... They couldn't carry it... Oh well... poor girls... I guess they'll be stuck there for a while...  
***************  
The two crazed Yamis were having more fun then they'd had in years... er... decades?... No?... CENTURIES??? They had visited (and accidentally robbed) five stores. They had new cards, clothes, foods, books, bath towels...  
  
Yami: "By Ra! This mall is magnificent! I should ask for more!"  
  
Bakura: "Yes! It is like a... what is it called... buffet? Yes... and all-you-can-eat buffet. It is nice to be able to take all of these luxuries for free... It is even better than robbing!"  
  
Yami: "Wait... isn't that Seto and Mokuba?"  
  
Out-of-breath Mokuba: "Yugi *breath* and *breath* Ryou are in *breath* trouble *breath* for stealing! *breath*"  
  
Yami: "But how can you steal in a mall that is all free?"  
  
Seto: "IDIOT! NIMROD! NINCOMPOOP! @*)%&@*! The mall isn't FREE! You have to pay MONEY!!! @$*%&)*%!"  
  
Yami: "Oops... hehe?"  
  
Seto and Mokuba dragged the two yamis towards the Duel Monsters shop...  
***************  
Joey: "Man... this food is great..."  
  
Tristan: "Yeah... but do you think Kaiba will be mad... when he figure out we took some of his money?"  
  
Joey: "Nah... he has too much already! And anyway... it went to a worthy cause..."  
  
Tristan: "Oh..."  
  
Joey: "Hey... look... it's the girls!... I wonder what they are waiting for..."  
  
Mai: "You guys better help us with this stuff!!!!"  
  
Joey: "Yes sir!"  
  
Mai: *growls*  
  
Joey: "See Tristan!... she does it too!"  
  
Tristan: "I wonder what the others are doing..." 


	7. All is well and where's my money!

Disclaimer: Ilukaiba does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! ...But I... I will soon take over this mortal world! A world that will be the victim of a power greater than any power imaginable! Mortal fools... they have no idea what I will do to them... they think I am some sort of... nutcase.... But no one will figure out this plan... they are too stupid to ever find out...  
  
Seto: Get off the set Bakura!!!!  
  
Bakura/Disclaimer: You stupid ignorant fool! How dare you... you have revealed my identity in this world of horrid mortals! If anyone finds out... I will be doomed...  
  
Seto: *sweatdrop* Uhh... hate to break it to you... but this is being posted on an online site called fanfiction.net...  
  
Bakura: What?!?! NOOOOO!!!!!! My plans... foiled! I'll get back at you stupid mortals!!!!  
****************  
Ryou: "See officer... these are the REAL culprits!"  
  
Yugi: "But officer... don't be mad at them... they are form ancient Egypt... they didn't know you have to pay..."  
  
Seto: "Yeah... because they are so #%)$@*% stupid..."  
  
Yami: "Oh... shut up... Kaiba-boy!"  
  
Seto: "Call me that again and I'll... call security..."  
  
Bakura: "Oh I am so scared... Seto Kaiba's gonna call security..."  
  
S.G.: "So you really are Seto Kaiba!!! Pleasure to meet you sir! *shakes hand* You've always been my role model... can I have your autograph... wait 'till the kids hear their Daddy-o shook hands with the Seto Kaiba!"  
  
Seto: *sighs and signs piece of paper*  
  
S.G.: "Thank you sir! Well, since these thieves are your friends..."  
  
Seto: "Well actually..."  
  
Bakura: *shut-up-or-I-will-push-you-off-of a cliff-where-you-will-fall-to-your-death glare*  
  
Seto: "Er... actually they are my very best friends..."  
  
S.G.: "Well, because of that... I wont penalize them... as long as they give back the stolen merchandise..."  
  
Yami and Bakura: *give back stolen merchandise...*  
  
Yami: "Malls are so dumb... I am glad there weren't any in Egypt!"  
  
Mokuba: "Okay big brother... now we get to go to the toy store!"  
  
Bakura: "What in the name of Ra is a toy store?"  
  
Seto: "You don't want to know..."  
  
Together, the group ran after a hyper, toy-crazed Mokuba...  
***************  
Tea: "So do you guys have any money... we spent ours..."  
  
Joey: "Yep!... we have... *counts money* Six hundred bucks!"  
  
Mai: "Wow! Where'd you get that money?"  
  
Joey: *has sudden coughing fit...*  
  
Tristan: "Kaiba..."  
  
Tea: "Wow! Kaiba gave you that much money?"  
  
Joey: *coughs so loudly that everyone around them looks at him curiously*  
  
Tristan: "Uhh... not quite..."  
  
Mai: "WHAT?!?! YOU STOLE THE MONEY FROM SETO KAIBA?!?!?!"  
  
Tea: "You are sooooo dead..."  
  
Mai: "But since we have it... we might as well spend it..."  
****************  
Mokuba: "I want this... and this... and this... no... wait... this... and... OH MY GOD!!!!! THIS!!!!!!!"  
  
Voice: "Heeeeeeyyyy kids!!!! Hardy har har *snort snort* What's uuuuppp?"  
  
"Kids" (Mokuba, Yugi, Ryou, Yami, Bakura, and Seto): *turn around and see big purple dinosaur...* "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"  
  
Bakura: "MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!!!"  
  
Yami: "IT"S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!"  
  
Yugi: "But Yami... friends should..."  
  
Yami: "Don't you start with those friendship speeches Yugi!..."  
  
Seto: "I'LL SUE THE MAKER OF THIS PURPLE MONSTER!!!!"  
  
Bakura: "I'LL STEAL HIS $)*!$&*$@$& SOUL!!!"  
  
Ryou: "No Bakura... don't..."  
  
Bakura: "Too late..."  
  
The purple dinosaur lay lifeless on the floor... Everyone gave a sigh of relief and continued shopping for Mokuba.   
  
Little Electric Toy Things That Look Exactly Like The Purple Dinosaur: "HEEEEY KIDS!!!! HARDY HAR HAR!!!!"  
  
Bakura: "AAAARRRGGGGGHHHH @)$@&$*@!" *steals souls*  
  
Mokuba: "Okay Big Brother... I am all done shopping..."  
  
Seto: *takes out wallet* "WHAT THE @%$)%(#??? I only have fourteen hundred dollars!!!"  
  
Ryou: *sweatdrop* "Soo..."  
  
Seto: "I started with over two thousand!!!..."  
  
Yugi: "Maybe you spent it..."  
  
Seto: "NO I DIDN'T!!!! Where's my @#!~* money?!?!?!"  
  
Children in store: *gasp*  
  
Random Child: "Mommy! He said @#!~*!"  
  
Mother of Random Child: "Tommy! Don't say that word!"  
  
Tommy: "I can if I want to... @#!~* @#!~* @#!~* @#!~*!!!"  
  
Mother: "Why you... *shakes fist at Seto*"  
  
The group ran out of the store before more outraged parents yelled at them.  
  
Seto: "But where is my @#!~* money???" 


	8. Seto's money and who does Joey bump into...

Ilukaiba: Hey peoples... sorry about chapter 6... it should be working now...! ^_^;;  
  
Seto: I am so BORED!  
  
Ilukaiba: Really!? So am I!  
  
Seto: Yeah... well... you're not the one who has to do a stupid disclaimer!  
  
Ilukaiba: Do you hate them that much?  
  
Seto: YES!  
  
Ilukaiba: Okay... fine... just one more chapter and I will hire a new disclaimer...  
  
Seto: Fine... Ilukaiba doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! I, on the other hand, own two mansions, three yachts, four expensive cars...  
*****************  
Voice: "That'll be four hundred dollars!"  
  
Tristan: "Here! Have a nice day!"  
  
Joey, Tristan, Tea, and Mai left the clothing store with six bags each. They struggled to carry them, but somehow succeeded, until....  
  
THUD! ")@%)*&!!!"  
  
Joey: "I... I... I... am so... sorry... I... I... what the??? MALIK?!?!"  
  
Malik: "Why you little )!*$&#%!" *glares at Joey angrily, planning Joey's death... until thoughts are interrupted by...*  
  
Seto: *gives everyone in mall death glare* "WHAT THE @)*%& DID YOU DO WITH MY @#!~* MONEY DOG-BOY?!?!?!"  
  
Bakura: *sees Malik* "YOU!!!!"  
  
Malik: "Yes! It is I... tomb robber!"  
  
Yami: "YOU!!!!"  
  
Malik: "Yes! It is I... Pharaoh!"  
  
Yami, Bakura, Malik: *death glare at each other*  
  
Seto: "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE @#!~* MONEY YOU STOLE FROM ME WHEELER?!?!?!"  
  
Joey: "I... er... well... you see... I... um..."  
  
Mai: "Oh we... just spent it... here's what's left..." *in an effort to keep Seto from getting mad, tries to seduce him... but only succeeds in seducing Joey, Tristan, Yami, Bakura, and Malik...*  
  
Seto: *grabs the two hundred dollars from Mai* "THAT'S IT!!!!! I HATE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU LOSERS!!!!"  
  
Mokuba: *puts on puppy face* "But Big Brother... you still have nineteen hours left... and you PROMISED!"  
  
Seto: *sees puppy face* "All right, kid..."  
  
Mokuba: "Let's go eat!! I am starving!"  
  
Tristan: "Well Joey and I already ate so..."  
  
Joey: *looks menacingly at Tristan* "No we didn't!! What are you talking about???"  
  
Tristan: "Oh yeah... of course... we didn't eat... hehe..."  
  
The group ordered pizza and sat at a table...  
  
Seto (who is still very angry): *gives Joey, Tristan, Mai, and Tea death glares, making them feel very uncomfortable*  
  
Joey, Tristan, Mai, and Tea, who were feeling very uncomfortable, ate in silence... wait... I take that back... Joey, Tristan, and Mai ate in silence...  
  
Tea: "Kaiba..."  
  
Yami, Bakura, Ryou, Yugi, Malik, Joey, Tristan, Mokuba, and Mai: "HOLD ON!..." *randomly pull earplugs out of their pockets and shove them in their ears* "Okay... NOW!"  
  
Tea: *glares at them* "Kaiba, friends shouldn't get mad at other friends for silly things like using four hundred dollars of their money. Friendship and money are two different things. If you lose money, you shouldn't lose money. You see..." *doesn't seem to notice that Seto is 'fuming up' slowly...*  
  
Seto: "WILL YOU SHUT THE @$(*% UP?!?! YOU KNOW WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FRIENDS AND MONEY IS?!?! MONEY DOESN'T LECTURE PEOPLE ABOUT WEALTH LIKE YOU DO ABOUT FRIENDSHIP! And anyway... you are NOT my friends!!!!"  
  
Tea: *bursts into tears and starts wailing loudly*  
  
Yami (talking to Seto): "Is it safe to unplug our ears now?"  
  
Seto: *frowns and gives Yami and obscene gesture*  
  
Joey: "I take that as a yes..."  
  
Joey, Tristan, Ryou, Yugi, Mokuba and Mai: *unplug ears*  
  
Yami, Bakura, and Malik: *unplug ears, pause for a moment, and, after hearing Tea's dreadful bawling, replug them* 


	9. I'll have some sugar for my Tea

Disclaimer: Welcome back folks! I'm your host Tristan Taylor and you're watching Duel Monsters Meltdown!  
  
Ilukaiba: Whoops! Wrong script....  
  
Disclaimer (Tristan): My darling Seto... why do you not return my love? Your eyes fill me with warmth and...  
  
Ilukaiba: *blushes* Whoopsies... here's the right script!  
  
Disclaimer: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Yu-gi-Mo-to!...  
  
Ilukaiba: &@$)*$ HERE'S THE RIGHT SCRIPT!  
  
Disclaimer: Ilukaiba doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! (or Spongebob Squarepants...)  
  
Ilukaiba: Please read my other fic too (and review!)  
**************  
Mokuba followed suit... he couldn't stand Tea's sobbing either...  
  
Seto was ready to cry. He wasn't hurt or pained. He wasn't even sad. He was just losing his self control and was going through mental frustration. He was trying his very best to keep himself from strangling Tea. Mai was having similar thoughts... so were Joey... and Tristan...  
  
Ryou and Yugi hadn't lost their sanity... yet... So they made a smart and well-thought suggestion.  
  
Ryou and Yugi: "Why don't we go somewhere else?"  
  
So our pathetic group left the mall and continued their adventure. Mai was supporting Tea, who still couldn't control her tears. Yami, Bakura, Malik, and Mokuba removed their earplugs.  
  
THUD!  
  
Yami: "JOEY!!!"  
  
Joey: *who is standing on sidewalk, perfectly okay* "What?!?"  
  
Yami: "You didn't bump into anyone?"  
  
Joey: "Uhhh... no?"  
  
Yami: "Then who... oh dear..."  
  
Tea was lying on the sidewalk, unconscious, since Mai had just hit her on the head with a (ridiculously heavy) shopping bag. Tea wasn't crying anymore.  
  
Mai: *starts laughing insanely* "Holy #(@)$* what an obnoxious $@()@$ At least she finally shut up!..."  
  
Yugi: "Uhh... Mai?"  
  
Seto: *bends down and checks Tea* "Don't worry... she'll come around eventually..."  
  
Mokuba: *smiling cutely* "But she's probably gonna give a friendship speech once she wakes up..."  
  
Malik: "Bloody Heck!!!"  
  
Yami: "By Ra!"  
  
Bakura: "Dear gods NOOOO!!!!!"  
  
Joey: "I... uh... have... to... uh... go..."  
  
Yugi: "Where?"  
  
Joey: "To the... you know..."  
  
Yugi: "Actually I don't..."  
  
Joey: "Ya see Yug... I gotta... uh... do my thing..."  
  
Yugi: "Duel? Now?"  
  
Joey: "NO! The OTHER thing!"  
  
Yugi: "Dungeon Dice Monsters?"  
  
Joey: "No @$&*(!# I gotta PEE!!!"  
  
Tristan: "Somebody call 911! He's gonna blow!"  
  
Ryou: "We need to get him to a bathroom and FAST!"  
  
Yugi: "WE HAVEN"T GOT MUCH TIME!"  
  
Seto: "There's a fire hydrant over there..."  
  
Tristan: "Do you think that fast food place has one?"  
  
Yugi: "It's worth a try!"  
  
Tristan: "Hold on buddy! Everything's gonna be okay..."  
  
They ran quickly. Joey was like a human bomb... he could blow at any second...  
  
Ryou: "We haven't a moment to lose!"  
  
Seto was helping Mai carry Tea. When they arrived at the fast food place, Joey ran like lightning to the bathroom. Everyone sat at a table, except Tea, who lay on the floor.  
  
Mokuba: *begins eating sugar sloppily, accidentally dropping some into Tea's open mouth*  
  
Tea: *jumps up* "MORE! MORE SUGAR!!!"  
  
Seto: *shakes head* "She's lost it..."  
  
Mokuba: *stands up* "MEEEE TOOO!!!!!"  
  
Seto: "Uh-oh... Mokuba gets very hyper when he eats sugar..." 


	10. Yugi learns some new words

Disclaimer (Tristan): Do I say it?  
  
Ilukaiba: Say what?  
  
Disclaimer: What?  
  
Ilukaiba: What??  
  
Disclaimer: What???  
  
Ilukaiba: What????  
  
Mokuba: WHAT?????  
  
Joey: What??????  
  
Seto: *sweatdrop* $@)($)%*% Say the *%(#* disclaimer already!  
  
Everyone: WHO??? ME???  
  
Seto: Why do I bother?... Ilukaiba doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Ilukaiba: Tristan! You are a horrible disclaimer!  
**********  
Joey: "So where do we go next?..."  
  
Seto (who, I might add, is obscenely rich): "My mansion, maybe..."  
  
Mai: "Awesome!!!! I have never been to a mansion before!"  
  
Seto: "Oh... well you're going to love mine... it has three swimming pools, a hot tub, a tennis court..."  
  
Mokuba and Tea: "LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY! LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY!! LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY!!!"  
  
Tristan: "Mokuba, Tea... SHUT UP!!!!"  
  
Mokuba: "Ooooooh! He saided a bad word!"  
  
Ryou: *sigh* "The sooner we get to your mansion, the better..."  
  
The group *finally* reached the impressive Kaiba mansion. They stared in awe (at least the ones who a) didn't live there or b) weren't preoccupied in singing the Alphabet Song did).  
  
Security Voice Box Thingy (SVBT): *in monotone* "Password Please."  
  
Seto: "Blue Eyes White Dragon." *whispering cautiously hoping no one heard him... unfortunately, everybody except the SVBT heard him...*  
  
SVBT: "Access Denied."  
  
Seto: *quietly* Blue Eyes White Dragon!"  
  
SVBT: "Access Denied."  
  
Seto: "!#@#*~!"  
  
SVBT: "Access Denied."  
  
Joey, Tristan, Bakura, and Malik: *giggle*  
  
Tea: *is picking flowers... still hyper from sugar*  
  
Yugi: *starts crying... !#@#*~! was a new word for him...*  
  
Yami: *is mad at Seto for making his aibou cry* "!@@#$* Kaiba!"  
  
Yugi: *is now sobbing*  
  
Seto: *kicks door* "BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON!!!!"  
  
SVBT: "Access Denied."  
  
Seto: "What the ##$(%@$!"  
  
Yugi: *learned yet another new word... you know what that means...*  
  
Yami: *warningly* "Kaiba!!"  
  
Mokuba: *starts singing loudly* "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES... EVERYBODY'S NERVES... EVERYBODY'S NERVES... I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!!!!!"  
  
SVBT: "Access Granted."  
  
Kaiba: *growling* "Mokuba..."  
  
Finally the gang was safe at the Kaiba mansion... wait... I take that back... finally the gang was in the Kaiba mansion...  
  
Mokuba: "I'M KING OF THE WORLD!" *runs around in circles after a very scared Bakura...*  
  
Bakura: "Aaaarghhh! Get the #*($*@ mortal kid away from me!!!!"  
  
Yugi: *wails*  
  
THUD!  
  
Mokuba and Tea: *bumped into each other... and are now back to normal... their sugar-high craziness is gone!*  
**************  
Ilukaiba: READ MY OTHER FIC!!!!!! 


	11. Truths, dares, and spinning bottles Oh m...

Ilukaiba: I'd like to thank all of my wonderful reviewers!!!! I love you all (but not THAT way...) Anyway... disclaimer... do your thing!  
  
Disclaimer: *begins barking wildly*  
  
Ilukaiba: No!!!! Not THAT thing!!  
  
Disclaimer: Then whadd'ya mean??  
  
Seto: She wants you to do the disclaimer you moronic fool!  
  
Disclaimer: Hey Kaiba!!!! Shut up!  
  
Seto: Joey... your pathetic... just do the *@$(&$ disclaimer already!  
  
Disclaimer (who has now been revealed as Joey): Okay... Ilukaiba doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! But that reminds me... Ilukaiba... do you by any chance have and gigantic donuts?... hahaha... get it?... gigantic donuts?... remember my line in that episode!!! Hahaha!!!! Aren't I a funny comedian?  
  
Crickets: *chirp*  
***********  
Joey: "So?..."  
  
Malik: "So what?..."  
  
Joey: "So... whadd'ya wanna do?!  
  
The tired and exhausted group was sprawled around Seto's living room floor. They were absolutely, positively, one hundred percent... BORED! Then Tea (who is no longer hyper) had an idea...  
  
Tea: "I know!!!... Why don't we play..."  
  
Joey: "Truth or dare..."  
  
Tea: "How did you know?!"  
  
Joey: "Girls ALWAYS want to play that game..."  
  
Mai: *muttering under her breath* "@*%(&$@ stereotypes..."  
  
Mokuba: "Well... it isn't a bad idea..." *innocently stares at Bakura*  
  
Seto: *wonders what horrible thing Mokuba is planning to do to Bakura* "Yeah... not a bad idea..."  
  
In case you are wondering, Yugi isn't crying anymore... but he will be... soon... hint hint...  
  
Malik: *also innocently staring at Bakura* "So who goes first?..."  
  
Mai: "Ladies first!!! And that means me!"  
  
Tea: *protesting* "But what about me?!"  
  
Mai: "Honey... you're a girl... you don't have what it takes to be a lady!"  
  
Tea: *death glare* "@#$%^&*!"  
  
3...  
  
...2...  
  
...1...  
  
Can you guess what Yugi is doing now?  
  
Mai: "Okies!... er... JOEY!!!! Truth or dare kiddo?"  
  
Joey: "Uh... are there any other choices?"  
  
Mai: *growls* "NO!!!"  
  
Joey: "Fine then... truth..."  
  
Mai: "Do you use deodorant?"  
  
Joey: "Yeah?... why?..."  
  
Mai: "Just checking!"  
  
Joey: "Oh... uh... now do I ask someone?"  
  
Mai: "YES!!!!"  
  
Joey: "Uh..." *mischievously looks at Seto* "Kaiba! Truth or dare?..."  
  
I will take the moment to remind you that Seto Kaiba always checks the challenge... remember that...  
  
Seto: *confidently* "DARE!"  
  
Joey: "I DARE YOU... to... uh... sing... uh... MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB!" (which ilukaiba doesn't own...)  
  
Seto: *blushes... he doesn't like singing in public...*  
  
Seto sings... pretty well...  
  
Everyone else: 0_o;;  
  
Bakura: *suspiciously looking at Mokuba and Malik* "Why don't we play something else?"  
  
Mai: *in a very demanding voice* "Why don't we play spin the bottle?!"  
  
Seto: *being protective and brotherly* "But Mokuba can't!"  
  
Ryou: "Why don't we play the G-rated version?"  
  
Mai: *curiously* "Which is?..."  
  
Ryou: "You spin the bottle and say one nice thing about the person it lands on... Kaiba can go first... since we left off with him last time..."  
  
Kaiba: *growls and spins bottle*  
  
Bottle: *lands on... YAMI!*  
  
Joey: *mischievously* "Be glad this is the G-rated version Kaiba!"  
  
Kaiba: "Uh... Yami..."  
  
Yami: "Yes?..."  
  
Kaiba: "I like your... no wait..."  
  
Yami: *patiently* "I'm waiting..."  
  
Kaiba: "You have... a good... a... dueling ability???"  
  
Yami: *blushes sarcastically (if that's possible...)* "Why thank you Kaiba... I wish I could say the same about yours..."  
  
Kaiba: "Why you little piece of..."  
  
Bakura and Malik: "WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!?!"  
  
Yugi: *sniffling* "Okies..." *shuts up*  
  
Yami: *spins bottle*  
  
Bottle: *lands on Ryou*  
  
Yami: "Ryou, you're a great person... unlike your yami..."  
  
Bakura: *opens mouth to say something obscene but changes mind after looking at Yugi...* "Insolent Pharoah!"  
  
Ryou: *spins bottle*  
  
Bottle: *lands on Mai...*  
  
Ryou: "Umm... you... er... youareverypretty..."  
  
Mai: "What?"  
  
Ryou: "I said..." *blushes* "You are very pretty..."  
  
Mai: *promptly slaps Ryou* "PERVE!!!..."  
  
Ryou: x_x  
  
Mai: *spins bottle*  
  
Bottle: *lands on (a very excited) Joey*  
  
Mai: *kisses Joey*  
  
Tristan: "Uh... Mai... you are s'posed to say something nice about him..."  
  
Tea: -_-;;  
  
Mai: "Oh! Whoops... well Joseph... you are a good kisser..."  
  
Joey: ^_^ *spins bottle*  
  
Bottle: *lands on...*  
  
Joey: "KAIBA???? Just my luck..."  
  
Seto: "So... pathetic dog... what do you like about me?..."  
  
Joey: "Uhh... I like your Blue-eyes..."  
  
Tristan: "Eeew! You like his eyes?"  
  
Joey: "No! His Blue-eyes!"  
  
Tristan: "I heard you the first time!"  
  
Joey: "No!!!! Blue-eyes as in blue eyes white dragon!"  
  
Tristan: "Oh!!! For a second I thought that...  
  
Joey: "Heck no!"  
  
Yami: "Let's play something else..."  
  
Joey: "Like what?"  
  
Yami: "How about..."  
********  
Yay... longer chapter! 


	12. Yami's favorite game

Ilukaiba: Thanks for all the great reviews everyone. And Aldrius... I am the authoress of this story and if I say they learn American history, they learn American history. If I say they fall into the Atlantic Ocean and get eaten by sharks, they fall into the Atlantic Ocean and get eaten by sharks. If I say they go swimming in a tub of chocolate pudding wearing "Free Martha Stewart" t-shirts, they go swimming in a tub of chocolate pudding wearing "Free Martha Stewart" t-shirts!  
  
Seto: Uhh... sorry about that... Ilukaiba seems to be having a mental breakdown!  
  
Ilukaiba: I AM THE AUTHORESS!!!! Did I SAY I was having a mental breakdown?! NO! So am I having a mental breakdown?! NO!  
  
Pegasus: And you thought I was loony...  
  
Seto: Aaaargh!!! Not him!!!!  
  
Pegasus: Oh go @$*(&! Kaiba-boy... I am the new Disclaimer! Ilukaiba doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
*************  
Yami: "... How about we play I've never!"  
  
Bakura: "By Ra! What is that?"  
  
Yami: "I used to play it a lot back in Egypt! You see..."  
  
Bakura: "No wonder our leadership stunk!"  
  
Yami: *death glare* "Watch it tomb-robber... Well it's very simple, really... Everyone gets some beer... er... I mean soda..."  
  
Bakura: "So you drank beer often?"  
  
Yami: "TOMB-ROBBER!!! Well everyone gets the SODA and someone says I've never done *something* and everyone who did the *something* takes a sip of their beer... I mean soda! Hey Kaiba! Drinks please!"  
  
Seto: "What am I, your servant?!"  
  
Everyone: "YEAH!"  
  
Seto got everyone drinks (against his own will). Mokuba and Malik started giving Bakura evil looks again... oh dear...  
  
Yami: "Kaiba! Start first since we left of with you last time!"  
  
Seto: *sarcastically* "Yes Master... I've never depended on a pathetic Kuribo in my effort to win a duel..."  
  
Yami: "!*@#($&@" *takes sip of beer... I mean... soda*  
  
Yugi: *also takes sip of soda*  
  
Bakura: "Okay... I've never... kept pathetic Kuribos in my deck to begin with!"  
  
Yami: "#$)&% TOMB-ROBBER!" *takes sip*  
  
Yugi: *takes sip*  
  
Malik: "Umm... well... I've never held a Kuribo card in my hand..."  
  
Yami: "WHAT GIVES MALIK?!" *takes sip*  
  
Yugi: *takes sip*  
  
Tristan: "I've never been called a dog before."  
  
Joey: "Grrrr..." *takes sip*  
  
Mai: *takes sip*  
  
Joey: "You were called a dog too, Mai?"  
  
Mai: "Yeah... but in a very different way..."  
  
Yugi: "MY TURN!!! I've never lost a duel before..."  
  
Seto: *angrily* "YES YOU DID YOU LIAR!"  
  
Yami: "But that was because you cheated!"  
  
Seto: "I never cheat Yami, you lying piece of..."  
  
Yami: "BREAD!"  
  
Seto: *sweatdrop* 0_o;;  
  
Yami: "Shhh... you know what happens when you swear..." *gestures to Yugi*  
  
Seto: "Oh... go $#(%)@_ him!"  
  
Yugi: *cries*  
  
Naughty Seto... who would have thought he had such a dirty mouth...  
  
And while we're on the subject... Seto was starting to feel very bored (not like he wasn't before...). Why did he have to promise Mokuba such a horrible thing? Of all people, Yugi Moto and his @*$()&$ friends! It is a pity that he still has sixteen hours...  
  
Seto: "I HATE THIS! Mokuba... I'll pay you... uh... a thousand dollars if you call this whole thing off!"  
  
Mokuba: "Okies!"  
  
Just kidding... like that would REALLY happen...  
  
Mokuba: "No thank you Seto... I want you to spend time with them..."  
  
Seto: 'Aaargh! The eyes! Those incredibly cute EYES!' "All right kiddo... I'll hang out with them."  
  
Yami, Malik, Bakura, Joey, Tristan, Tea, Mai, and Ryou: 'Why didn't that little brat just take the $*@(&%@ money?!?!'  
  
Notice that Yugi didn't have the same thoughts. But it wasn't because he wanted Seto to stay... it was simply because he didn't (and still doesn't) know what $*@(&%@ means! So these were Yugi's innocent thoughts...  
  
Yugi: 'Oh Fudgesicles! Why didn't Mokuba just believe in the heart of the money?'  
  
Notice the use of the term 'fudgesicles'... NOW do you understand how innocent Yugi really is? 


	13. Oh! For the love of story telling!

Ilukaiba: No... it... it can't be... I must... I must be dreaming... it's... it's...  
  
Mokuba: A SUGAR-FREE LOLLIPOP?! The horror!  
  
Ilukaiba: No! Not... what? Sugar-free lollipops?! What is this world coming to?!?!  
  
Seto: Hey Mokuba! How about a SUGAR-FREE LOLLIPOP?  
  
Mokuba: *faints*  
  
Seto: Okay...  
  
Ilukaiba: Get that thing away from me!  
  
Seto: What... this? *takes bite of sugar-free lollipop*  
  
Ilukaiba: SETO! *cries*  
  
Seto: Hmm...  
  
Ilukaiba: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or Little Women...  
  
Pegasus: THAT'S MY JOB!  
  
Ilukaiba: What?  
  
Pegasus: THAT LINE... I AM THE NEW DISCLAIMER!  
  
Ilukaiba: Well you suck... so you're fired!  
  
Pegasus: It CAN'T be! A... Kaiba-boy, is that a... *looks around cautiously and whispers* sugar-free lollipop?  
  
Seto: Yes...  
  
Pegasus: *screams* Nooooooo! *dies*  
  
Seto: Okay...  
**********  
Yami: "Grrrrr... what gay little game should we play now?"  
  
Yugi: "How about the storytelling game?"  
  
Yami: "THE WHAT?!"  
  
Tea: *cautiously* "What the... umm... heck is that?"  
  
Yugi: "Somebody starts by telling part of a story and then someone else starts where they left off and so on!"  
  
Mai: "You mean like in Little Women?"  
  
Yugi: "Yeah!"  
  
Mai: "You read Little Women? Hmm..."  
  
Ryou: "That was a great book!"  
  
Yugi: "I know!!!" ^_^  
  
Mokuba: "Okies! I'll start!" *looks at Bakura and smiles... he finally got his chance...* "Once upon a time, there was..." *pauses for a moment and looks at Bakura* "a VERY feminine tomb-robber in Ancient Egypt..."  
  
Bakura: "Hey you little runt! Mortal son of a..."  
  
Yugi: *cries*  
  
Seto and Yami: "BAKA!"  
  
Bakura: "Bite me!"  
  
Joey: "Okay!" *bites Bakura*  
  
Bakura: *sweatdrop*  
  
Malik: "Mokuba! Continue!"  
  
Mokuba: "Okies! Well anyway, one day, he decided to steal from the Pharaoh..."  
  
Yami: "Go ahead... bring me into this... see if I care..."  
  
Malik: "SHUTUP YAMI! Keep going Mokuba!"  
  
Mokuba: "So he went to the palace. He was walking down a narrow staircase when he screamed. Poor Baku... I mean the poor tomb-robber had been frightened by..."  
  
Malik: "... a very muddy floor! 'Oh no!' he cried, 'Someone could get hurt!' He put on his apron and..."  
  
Bakura: "WHY YOU LITTLE... blaarg..." *looks at Yugi and gives a sigh of relief* "I DON'T WHERE AN APRON!"  
  
Yami: "Shut up! This story is getting interesting!"  
  
Malik: "So he put on his apron, took out a mop, and began to mop the floor. He started to sing. He sung louder and louder until..."  
  
Tea: "... the window broke! So he gasped... 'Oh no! Not the window!'"  
  
Bakura: "What?! You're in this to? All of you scheming little traitors..."  
  
Yami: "Oh... just go... a... put a sock in it!"  
  
Notice how everyone is trying not to swear for Yugi's sake. I don't blame them... Yugi's an obnoxious crier...  
  
Tea: "He was so worried. 'What have I done?' he cried, 'I hurt the poor innocent window! How could I have been so selfish?' He sat down and cried. The window didn't deserve this torture. And worst of all, it had no friends to support it through the tough times. Suddenly, he heard a voice.  
  
Bakura: "I hate this game..."  
  
Seto: "... It was the Pharaoh! 'Dear Lady,' he said, 'Why do you cry so?' Bakur... I mean the tomb-robber looked up. The Pharaoh was stunned. 'What the fu... uh... funky music (hehe)... you're a... a... he-she?' The tomb-robber nodded."  
  
Bakura: "You're all against me!" *cries*  
  
Seto: "Just that moment, the intelligent, wonderful, eccentric, respected, marvelous, handsome, good-looking..."  
  
One Hour Later...  
  
Seto: "... brilliant, accomplished High-Priest appeared out of no where and obliterated the two of them with his ultimate monster, the powerful Blue eyes white dragon! The End!"  
  
Yami and Bakura: "WHAT?!?!"  
  
Mokuba: *eyes filled with tears* "Big brother... that was the most beautiful story I ever heard!"  
  
Seto: "Thanks kid..."  
  
Yami: "THAT WAS THE DUMBEST STORY EVER!"  
  
Bakura: "That was a total piece of..."  
  
Yugi: *cries*  
  
Yami and Bakura: "THAT SUCKED!"  
  
Mokuba: "JINX! Now you can't talk!" 


	14. Yami and Bakura have no choice but to ad...

Ilukaiba: Wow... it's been a while since I updated, but now, I'm back!  
  
Seto: *the sugar-free lollipop he was eating in chapter 13 wasn't sugar-free after all...*  
*singing* Disappear, out of here  
It was time to pay my dues  
Never guessed that you'd be dressed  
In my clothes and in my shoes   
  
Pegasus: Did somebody call me? *sees Seto singing* FUN! Singing *starts dancing with hyper-Seto*  
  
Seto: You couldn't wait to move right in  
If I were you I'd be concerned  
  
Yami: Actually Kaiba, I am concerned about your very disturbing hyper-ness  
  
Seto: Ain't no way you're gonna win  
Bet you didn't count on my return   
Thought you were so tough  
You had it all under control  
Now enough is enough  
Gonna take back what you stole   
(Give it up, 'cause now I'm back)   
  
Pegasus: *is now doing a very disturbing dance*  
  
Yugi: *cries*  
  
Seto: On my own, all alone  
This ain't how the story ends  
Now I see those close to me  
They were just fair weather friends   
  
*suddenly starts raining*  
  
Tea: Through rain, snow, sleet, or hail, friendship will ALWAYS prevail.  
  
Bakura: Put a sock in it!  
  
Seto: You suckered everyone in sight  
  
Malik: Speaking of suckers... *plots how to get the millennium items*  
  
Seto: With promises that fooled them all  
You may be top dog tonight  
  
Joey: WILL YOU STOP IT WITH THE DOG JOKES ALREADY?!?!  
  
Seto: The bigger they come the harder they fall  
  
Mai: *has dirty thoughts in head*  
  
Yugi: *cries*  
  
Seto: Thought you were so tough  
You had it all under control  
Now enough is enough  
Gonna take back what you stole   
  
One of the Big 5: For our plan to succeed Kaiba must be taken out of the picture permanently.  
  
Tristan: *has camera* No! Kaiba's one of the best subjects in my pictures!  
  
Seto: You'll never take me alive.  
  
Pegasus: Seto Kaiba will bother us no more. *does a little jig*  
  
Seto: I'm not gonna give up Kaiba Corporation without a real fight, it's take over time by me.  
  
Evil Seto: I attack with the Blue-Eyes White Dragon.   
  
Seto: Thought you were so tough  
You had it all under control  
Now enough is enough  
Gonna take back what you stole   
Give it up, 'cause now I'm back   
  
Seto: We're going in.  
  
Mokuba: Big brother! Your beer, your beer!  
  
Ilukaiba: Uh... Mokuba... I don't thing that's how it goes...  
  
Seto: Thought you were so tough  
You had it all under control  
Now enough is enough  
Gonna take back what you stole  
  
Pegasus: *starts playing guitar*  
  
Ilukaiba: Okaaaay... in case you were wondering, Seto was singing "I'm Back" from the "Music to Duel By CD". It's a great song and a great CD... and I do own it, I just don't OWN it...  
  
Yami: Right...  
  
Ryou: *is confused* She doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! either.  
  
Ilukaiba: On to the story!...  
**********  
Bakura was mad. He was mad at that mortal-pain-in-the-...neck, Mokuba. First Mokuba started that embarrassing story, and then he jinxed him.  
  
Yami was jinxed too, but he was mad at other people... like Seto, for instance. After all, Seto was Mokuba's brother.  
  
Malik: "Hey! This could make a fun game!"  
  
Seto: "Yeah... I see what you mean..." ^_^  
  
Mokuba: ^_^  
  
Seto: "So Yami, are you stupid? Please say something if you aren't!"  
  
Yami: "..." *is thinking about ways to kill Seto*  
  
Malik: "Bakura, my dear friend, tell me what two plus two equals... if you don't answer, I will assume you don't know"  
  
Bakura: 'Malik... one of these days I am going to kick your @$&!#" *growls*  
  
So this went on... and on... and on... until Seto and Malik had discovered that the two were *apparently* girls who loved playing with dolls, powerless and cheap duelists who cheated their way to victory, and bise-ual (A/N the -'s used in this story represent letters that are taken out to avoid use of vulgar language)  
  
Yugi: *cries*  
  
Yami: 'I would give anything for a glass of vodka. Back in Egypt, I used to have so much! This world is so boring!'  
  
Yugi: "Yami would like a... a... glass... of... vodka... whatever that is..."  
  
Yami: '$*(& He can hear my thoughts! Maybe that's why he cried when I was thinking about Mai the other day...'  
  
Seto: *triumphantly* "Ha! So the drunken Pharaoh would like some vodka! I always knew you sucked as a pha- HELP ME!!!"  
  
Yami: *is attempting to strangle Seto*  
  
Seto: "Holy #*$(&$ get this *#$&( pharaoh... offa me... can't... &*@... breathe!"  
  
Mokuba: "BIG BROTHER! Get off of him you monster!" *jumps on Yami*  
  
Yami: *is pulling on Seto's shirt collar while in a straddle position...*  
  
Yugi: "Yami! Stop it! Didn't we already talk about not killing Kaiba after the Duelist Kingdom incident?..." *starts yanking on Yami's jacket*  
  
Joey: "Hey Yami! Lemme join ya!" *jumps on Seto's... well... you know...*  
  
Seto: "Yeooooow! My *@$(&!$!" *tears start streaming down his cheek*  
  
All guys: "Ouch..."  
  
Tristan: "Oh what the heck..." *joins Yugi and Mokuba in an effort to stop a crazed Yami and a not-so-pathetically-canine Joey*  
  
Ryou: *also joins*  
  
Meanwhile, Mai, Tea, Bakura, and Malik are sitting on the leather couch and watching the exciting event. Who wouldn't want to watch Yami beat the @*$(& out of Seto Kaiba (while in a very WRONG position)? Who wouldn't want to watch as Joey jumped happily on Kaiba's... ahem...? Who wouldn't want to watch Mokuba and Yugi pull on Yami's jacket, wait, shirt, wait, UNDERSHIRT?! And Tristan putting Joey into headlock? And who could resist watching Ryou attempt to console a very hurt Seto? (A/N This isn't a SetoxRyou fic!)  
  
Mai: "That is sooo wrong... I like it."  
  
Tea: "Yeah... to... er... heck... with friendship speeches... I'd settle for this anyday!"  
  
Malik: "This is great! That Pharaoh knows how to work it... right Bakura? Oh wait... I forgot... you can't talk!"  
  
Bakura: "Shut the *$@& up! I'm talking and if you stop me, I'll send your soul to the Shadow Realm!"  
  
Tea: "So when should we help them?..." 


	15. Aftermath and Tristan's interesting frie...

Ilukaiba: To my great reviewers... I am afraid there is a *slight* problem...  
  
Seto: *smiles happily... awwwww*  
  
Ilukaiba: I am afraid that Writer's Block is starting to take over this fic...  
  
Seto: *grins*  
  
Ilukaiba: So I ask for your help... Where should the Yu-Gi-Oh! cast go next? What should they do? Tell me please!  
  
Seto: *mumbles* Please don't...  
  
Ilukaiba: If you suggest something and I use your idea, you will get a limited edition, hand-sewn, one-of-a-kind, Yu-Gi-Oh! character plushie!  
  
Random Person: HEY... Where's the crème filling?!  
  
Ilukaiba: ...  
  
Seto: *no longer grinning* ...  
  
RP: Uhh... I'm in the wrong section again, aren't I...  
  
Ilukaiba: ...  
  
RP: Yeah... whoops... sorry... bye... *leaves*  
  
Seto: ...  
  
Ilukaiba: Must we do a disclaimer EVERY chapter?  
  
Seto: Yes! It is in the SACRED BOOK OF FANFICTION... *recites* Section IV, Page 4839, Paragraph 29, Code 28851D...  
  
Ilukaiba: Fine... but I NEED a new disclaimer!  
  
Seto: No kidding...  
  
Ilukaiba: *sticks out tongue*  
  
Seto: *sticks out tongue*  
  
Ilukaiba: Special offer for all of you readers...  
  
Seto: Oh great...  
  
Ilukaiba: Who would you like to appear as a disclaimer in this fic?  
  
Seto: *shakes head*  
  
Ilukaiba: Review with your 'name', your favorite character(s), anything else of any significance if you'd like to be one...  
  
Seto: *growls randomly*  
  
Fangirls: Awwwww...  
  
Ilukaiba: But who should be disclaimer this fic?  
  
Seto: *shrugs*  
  
Rebecca: HELLO!!!!! Teddy wants to ask you a question...  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Ilukaiba: Uh... okay?  
  
Rebecca: Okies Teddy... ask the question...  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Seto: *sighs*  
  
Rebecca: Fine... I will ask it!  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Seto: ...  
  
Ilukaiba: ...  
  
Rebecca: Can we be the disclaimer this chapter?  
  
Ilukaiba: *shrugs* I don't see why not...  
  
Seto: *groans*  
  
Rebecca: OKAY! Ilukaiba doesn't own...  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Rebecca: SAY IT!  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Rebecca: Don't be shy Teddy!  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Seto: *rolls eyes*  
  
Ilukaiba: I don't think Teddy's going to...  
  
Rebecca: SILENCE!  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Rebecca: NO NOT YOU! YOU HAVE TO TALK!  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Rebecca: What doesn't Ilukaiba own?!  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Seto: *in a squeaky voice* Ilukaiba doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Rebecca: ^_^ Good Job, Teddy!  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Ilukaiba: *is shocked because she thinks Teddy actually talked* *faints*  
  
Seto: Muhahaha the authoress has fainted!  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Seto: I guess I'll just have to do this chapter...  
  
Teddy: ...  
  
Ilukaiba: *wakes up suddenly* Not so fast, Seto Kaiba!  
  
Seto: @*$!  
  
Ilukaiba: I am the authoress and this is MY story...  
  
Seto: How did you wake up?!  
  
Ilukaiba: Well I AM the one who is writing this thing, aren't I?  
  
Seto: Oh yeah...  
  
Ilukaiba: And so the story continues after a long and pointless disclaimer thing...  
*************  
Mai: "You know, now I am starting to agree with Tea..."  
  
Bakura: "What, in the name of Ra, do you mean?!"  
  
Mai: "Maybe we SHOULD help them..."  
  
Bakura: "Help them with what?"  
  
Mai: "You know... help break up the fight..."  
  
Bakura: "You know, mortal, you are right. I will use the power of the millennium ring to summon the man-eater bug! Ring, let me send these mortal fools to the graveyard!"  
  
Mai: "That's not what I mea- Ahhh!!!!"  
  
Bakura: *has summoned man-eater bug*  
  
Everyone suddenly stopped what they were doing (which was, for the most part, beating the @*$(& out of Seto -whether accidentally or purposely) as they gazed at the frightening insect.  
  
Tea: *screams* "Ewwww... a big scary bug!"  
  
Mai: *screams* "If it touches my hair, I will kill it!"  
  
Joey: *is still standing on Seto's... uh... yeah... while staring at the beast*  
  
Seto: *is sobbing...* @$*%@!  
  
Yugi: *cries*  
  
Mokuba: *holding his head* "AWESOME! This is just like the video game you got me last week, right Seto?"  
  
Seto: *can't feel his... because Joey is still stepping on it*  
  
Joey: *falls over suddenly*  
  
Seto: "It's about TIME! #%(*@!"  
  
Joey: "Huh?"  
  
Malik: *is watching with amusement*  
  
Bakura: *is also watching with amusement*  
  
Mokuba: *is ALSO watching with amusement* "This is just like my game!"  
  
Bakura: "Kid... I never knew you were one of us..."  
  
Malik: "Yeah... reminds me of when I was little..."  
  
Mokuba: ^_^;  
  
Yami: *is pondering over how to get rid of M.E.B.*  
  
Tristan: "Yo! Man-eater Bug! What's up, homie?"  
  
Man-eater Bug: ...  
  
Tristan: "Remember me? I was watching while you beat up Pegasus' cronies?  
  
Man-eater Bug: *nods*  
  
Tristan: "So... long time no see, pal..."  
  
M.E.B.: ... ^_^;;; *is confused*  
  
Tristan: "We should hang out more often, man..."  
  
M.E.B: *smiles and nods*   
  
Tristan: ^_^  
  
Bakura: "The mortal is amazing! He has calmed my Man-eater Bug!"  
  
Malik: "Yes, by Ra, he is..."  
  
M.E.B.: *is drinking coffee with Tristan*  
  
Joey: *is confused*  
  
Yugi: *is confused*  
  
Tea: *is confused*  
  
Mai: *is confused*  
  
Yami: *is confused*  
  
Seto: *is in pain* "!*$&@((%!"  
  
Ryou: *is lying unconscious on floor... but why?*  
  
Bakura: *calls back M.E.B.*  
  
Tristan: "Bye Sylvester!" *waves and cries*  
  
Everyone except Ryou and Seto: 0_o;;  
  
Seto: -_-;;  
  
Ryou: @_@  
  
Tea: *gasps suddenly*  
  
Mai: *gasps also*  
  
If you don't remember, Mokuba and Yugi were pulling on Yami's shirts, which lay across the floor, during the fight. So you guessed it... Yami was... shirtless! But he wasn't the only one...  
  
Yugi: *cries*  
  
Seto: "Ow! My *@$(&!$!... I CAN'T FEEL IT!" *stands up, clutching his................................................................................................................................................................................................. shirt?!?!* "What the..."  
  
Yami: "Shhh..." *looks at Yugi, who is sniffing quietly*  
  
Seto: "What the... oh go @*%# it Yugi... What the $@&? Why the %(^)%# am I shirtless?!"  
  
Tea: *stares*  
  
Mai: *stares*  
  
Ryou: x_x  
  
Tea: "Wow Kaiba..."  
  
Seto: ...  
  
Mai: "You look... nice..."  
  
Seto: *is confused because he is covered with bruises*  
  
Tea: "What a six-pack..."  
  
Seto: *blushes but is still very confused* *runs out of room, complaining about Joey and his ahem...*  
  
Tristan: *has Joey in headlock for no apparent reason*  
  
Joey: *hits him in stomach*  
  
Tristan: *doubles over, wheezing*  
  
Mokuba: *has a headache because Yugi had (during the fight) mistaken his hair for Yami's shirt and pulled it*  
  
Yugi: "Sorry..."  
  
Mokuba: *frowns*  
  
Yugi: "But Yami has a fur coat thing that looks EXACTLY like your hair!"  
  
Mokuba: ...  
  
Yami: *blushes*  
  
Seto: *is heard laughing in kitchen* *is icing his... whatever...*  
  
Bakura: "So the drunken Pharaoh has a fur coat! Haha!"  
  
Malik: *laughs*  
  
Ryou lay unconscious on the floor, as you know. Apparently, Seto, angry at Ryou's attempted consolation, had knocked him out. But nobody really noticed... poor Ryou... 


End file.
